SO it has come to pass, the last night in Australia and we end it where it began, in the same hotel looking at the same view but pondering it from a very different perspective.
The last month has been nothing short of complete hell. At the risk of sounding melodramatic I think it has been the hardest month of my life. Keith returned from Brazil happy that he went, but recently he has become more sick and more tired with new issues with his heart so that's all been quite hard and very horrible. Plus his hair is falling out as it did during the chemo and that sucks, but at least as he put it he'll "start looking ill again" (not looking ill can confuse people; looking ill saves a lot of explanatory time and effort).
I am quite honestly utterly terrified about what lies in store for us now. It is almost beyond comprehension, so I am going to avoid comprehending it at this moment, I've a 24 hour flight coming up in which I've more than enough free time to attempt to comprehend quite what the hell we're going to do. Feeling physically and mentally broken doesn't help (a Qantas gin and tonic might though).
Two things for you Sydney: 1) thank you for the fricking awesomeness - to a (wo)man you are extraordinary. 2) I am only a 24 hour flight away: if you are going to be throwing any good parties be sure to give me enough warning.
One thing for you Edinburgh: I hope you're ready for an adventure because goodness knows you are going to get one.
Here are some pictures from the last two years. See you from the northern hemisphere.
Peace out friends XXXXXX
The world is a small place, seemingly, as Keith is currently in Rio ahead of the World Cup Final: the actual World Cup Final, IN RIO. I am so very glad he has gone; he was incredibly anxious about the whole thing. It was only ten days ago he had to be admitted to Emergency again but as there is always some sort of silver lining with these things he subsequently had tests on the condition of his heart and lungs and was given the full go ahead to travel. So there he is, in Rio, with one of his best friends, struggling of course but on the whole having a great time. AT THE WORLD CUP FINAL. I am so proud of him.
We Bunker girls remain here, in Clovelly in our big empty house. Our furniture was shipped last week to get a head start on the long journey back. We're OK, but you know, everything is quite hard. I have to be brutally honest and say that when Keith is not here, be it because he is in Brazil or in hospital, and it is just me and my two girls, I start to imagine I feel something of the loneliness and heartache for what it might be like when he is not here at all, and it is horrible. It's similar to what I think I wrote about a long time ago: how everything has so much extra meaning now. Nothing is light and easy, everything is serious and extreme. So when Florence says "I miss Daddy" it's as though something has sliced through me because she means it and it hurts her and oh, I don't want to think that far ahead. For the record Florence is also very annoyed she too didn't get to go to the World Cup Final but has been palmed off with the promise of watching Leeds at Elland Road and somehow, just somehow, she is content with that thought.
Our flights are booked and we'll be back in the UK on the 30th July. We have absolutely no idea what we will be doing. We have no house, school or plan of any sort (other than to move to Edinburgh) and as much as I know everything will work out fine for us, I am running out of the energy to say that everything will work out fine. I am sick of saying "oh, you know, everything will work out fine" because even though I know it will, I also know there will be serious amounts of effort required to get to that hallowed fine stage and then in reality, everything's not really fine. But it could be worse of course, and we will have the priceless "help" that everyone keeps telling me will be "really helpful" and it will be great, I know it will, I don't want to sound as though I don't think it will, I do! But oh, the weight is just crushing. I worry about the kids of course, not in terms of the move but of everything else. They're staunch little things but have been being extra needy recently; perhaps its something to do with the fact I have shipped all their toys off to Scotland. That would probably piss me off if I were five.
There is definite sense of excitement as we set out on our next adventure, and it will be quite an adventure. I am still very sad to be leaving but I take a great deal of love, laughter, confidence and above all friendship back with me and that is really all I need to say about that.
When I have any idea of what on earth we're going to do next I'll let you know. Standby.
Lots of love in the meantime, and here's Keith with some Brazilian wall art.
xxxxxx
