Joy in sadness

Over the course of the Christmas break Lucy Penman, a wonderful friend of mine, wrote an incredibly touching newspaper column (see below) in which she said (of my year):

"She got on with it with infinite sadness but without moaning or complaining...I'm starting 2016 with Helen's example in mind".

I have a great deal of respect for Lucy and seeing in print her respect and understanding of my situation has been quite inspirational (and helpfully reassured me that yes, I do know who my friends are). 

I see melancholy around me everywhere. Life is packed to the brim with difficulty and disappointment, loss and suffering. What helps me, is accepting that sadness. I am in a sense fortunate - I know specifically where my sadness lies. This naturally constant, regular presence; I have accepted the sadness of Keith's death as part of me, as much as I have accepted the other losses in my life that have come with it (those of love, intimacy, affection, attention, company, of the father of my children...Lucy mentions my "high-flying career: well that has gone too and I miss it desperately). I am still, in my most private moments, torn to pieces by these losses, and have written much about them here. But yet I do know I have much: my beautiful daughters, my health, wonderful friends, a roof to live under, a joy in music and a thirst for adventure. Knowing I have these priceless things makes it so much easier to cope with the rest.

This world we live in wants us to believe we're special and we deserve better, well in my experience that's just not true. We're all each living our own individual stories, but remember: we're individuals like everyone else. None of us is different or special or unique, despite what much of the world (and social media) would have you think, and my problems are no worse than anyone else's when viewed from each individual's frame of reference. Accepting this has been very hard, and granted I had something of a catalyst, but it has helped me enormously. I won't complain about the daily tribulations of life because they are what they are and we all suffer them. What I will do is try to take the moments that put some sparkle on the tribulations and focus on those. (It's worth pointing out I will change things I don't like - if a problem is fixable, why not fix it?) So as much as the kids and the housework and the minutiae of daily living can be testing on a never ending cycle, all it takes is one of my girls asking me to 'put Ryan Adams on' to push the negative emotions aside and let the positive ones blast loudly from the speakers of my soul (and kitchen).

Thanks to Lucy for being the inspiration for this piece. May I take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy and peaceful New Year.

Helen X